Ugh okay, so.. Hello everyone, your favorite desperate romantic here, again with a load of anxiety-seasoned blog update for you to enjoy. Seriously, these feelings are like metal, cold and heavy with nothing good come of it. Alright, there's plenty of great things metal has brought us, like making it possible to even bring you these nightly scribbles of mine. You know what I mean!
Alright, so the time is half past three in the morning and my bedtime has already disappeared into the horizon. Like damn, what can I say? Every night it's the same thing, getting my hopes up about going early to bed tonight (who am I kidding, I don't sleep in a bed.) but whoopsy, next time I check it's already like 3AM. Maybe I shouldn't play video games so late at night, it's messing up with my internal system.
May I share something?
Anyway! What has brought me here to open up so late, with my clunky 2009 netbook with a step-too-heavy operating system clearly not meant for it to run, from the.. soft(?) embrace of my hammock, is yet another love related incident. You see, I've gotten myself mixed up with another crush. Wow, tell me the good news, would you? To tell you the truth, it's obscure to even call it a crush because the only thing I've seen about this seemingly lovely female character is her online dating profile. That's it. I've sent her one message on the platform, to which she hasn't responded yet, which again generates anxiety and restlessness. With restlessness comes an insatiable need to be productive. Talk about that secret weapon against myself, heh.
Now I'm in the middle of deciding whether to pull an all-nighter or try to relax and catch those Zs. Some people use melatonin or some sort of sleep aid medicine to wear themselves out, I use Openoffice Text. Anywho, I'm not sure if she quit the platform or just checks it really irregularly. It seems we share quite a lot of common interests so I guess I'll, umm... Just try to be patient and hope for a response. How to sound desperate 101.
In a few days, four at most, I'm going to move away. Yeah, my life of 13 years in this small town is coming to an end. Considering the reasons why I'm moving in the first place resolved, it's depressing to see it happen. I might not have had a future here anyway but it still makes me feel empty. That's why I've invited a few friends to spend the weekend here, for old times' sake. Time to move on, that's just how life is. It's not like I wouldn't visit here from time to time, no, but with all my things away, it's time for me to assemble my life elsewhere.
A plea for feedback.
But hey, seriously. I'd love some clarification whether my stream of consciousness is all that interesting to read. Since the first posts, which were admittably written mostly for myself only, I've tried to take on the direction of relatable discussion. Matters of which you, the reader could perhaps participate into. Also since I'm not suicidal anymore and clearly having the time of my life, no more drama queen-ery. Fast forward ten published posts into the future and I'm crying here again how life sucks and I have no place on earth. :) I love this "sarcasm" thingy the cool kids are using nowadays.
(When I started writing back in 2017, I used to publish these texts on a Blogger hosted site called "Anonym Writer with a Dusty Journal" under the coat of anonymity, as name implies. awdjournal dot blogspot dot com was the site in question. Just a tiny brief before the announcement.
Here's an update that I'm honestly kind of nervous to announce, but I'm going public starting today. Also, I don't want to replace the AWDJ acronym, so I'll just make some minor changes to it. Not worth the hassle to change my url and all that crap. From this day forth, welcome to read the Arctic Writer with a Dusty Journal -blog. It's inevitable that some things will be left unsaid until I get comfortable with this outcome. After all, what do I have to be ashamed. It's only life, nothing more.)
I guess that's all for now. Yo, appreciate life and the all the good things happening to ya, that's a way to be even with the world. Or you could, I don't know.. send me your personal story at now that my therapist is having a prolonged vacation, heard it's an illness or something the like. I'm not going to see her again since I'm moving away but hey, at least I got two conversation sessions, so that's something. My personal friends are prolly sick of me dangling around like an irritating tick. Not really, but I'd love to get to know new people and hear some of your stories and experiences with life. Love ya, thanks for reading. I can't help feeling I forgot to say something.. Huh. Might come back at some point, thankfully we never run out of writing space in the digital nexus.
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." -Maya Angelou
What you should listen to right now to feel me: I Have a Right – Sonata Arctica
November 30th, 2017