III -Desires and needs
I was supposed to talk about procrastination, but silly me. When I got stuff on my mind, I better go with the flow or the little guy in my head is gonna be real mad. Now that I've been single for a while, the time I used to spend with my girlfriend must be allocated elsewhere.
When you're in a relationship, your significant other becomes higher priority than your other friends, nearly without exceptions. I'm not implying that friends no longer matter, no sir. You just have to dedicate a significant slice of your time to your partner. It's simple math. Everyone who have loved someone intimately knows exactly what it's like at first. They're the only ones you want to be around, no one else matters at that point.
The dude with the worries.
I mostly do not enjoy being alone. So what happens when a dude like me gets separated from the one contact that can always provide conversation, love and company? Guess twice. I begin bothering my other friends much more often, because they're all I got. When you reach adulthood, however, there's simply no time for most people to just hang out with the dude that needs constant attention.
It really sucks to be that person, it does. Some people have work, some people have their own ongoing relationships that occupy their time, others might have plans for whatever with other friends. Yeah, I acknowledge that my friends also have their separate friends that need at least equally the same time as I do. I'm not even mentioning the time they need for themselves.
I became interested in socialising just a while ago. I rarely get any invites to hang out. It's usually me who asks. Just another point to the pile of things that make me feel sorry for myself, but you gotta start somewhere.
May I have a moment of self-pity here, please? The fact alone that I have a mildly severe speaking disorder, stuttering, is which makes it hard for me to talk to people. I'm going to take it with me to the grave, that much I know. There's no cure. When I worry and think about it, it gets worse. Anyway..
How do you define friendships? You got people to hang out with and talk about all sorts of stuff. Set up parties and have fun around some preferred past-time activity? Indeed, that's what having friends is mostly about. Although, everyone has their own way of being a friend. You're the product of your environment. If you spend lots of time around people with negative influence, it's going to affect you without noticing it yourself. That's why it's very important that you choose your company based on your character and figuring where you belong.
Writing here is the substitute of opening up to my girlfriend. These are the kind of things I would tell her as well. There's simply no other superior replacement to the feeling of having someone who knows everything about you, your flaws and mistakes. Being able to show your vulnerable side to them and feel safer than ever.
I have not been a "dream boyfriend" and have just begun to realize it myself. We make mistakes, we should be able to talk about it and never keep it secret. Recognizing the problem is essential, and if you don't realize it yourself, someone who does has the responsibility to let you know. In this case, your significant other.
Oh god how I miss her.. Nothing I say here is a secret to anyone.
Going to end it short tonight. I'm really bad at getting my point across clearly. And sorry about my English. I feel ashamed of myself that it really takes such a long time to write a simple post as this one. Yeah yeah, I know it's totally readable and some could even say that the grammar is spot-on, but I wish to someday be able to be as fluent in English as I am in my own language. I absolutely adore this language, it's like a passport to all over the world.
Thanks for investing your time, love ya.
October 7th, 2017