Family matters. While literally everyone else in your life are transient or plain replaceable, such as friends, spouses and business colleagues, family is the only constant in your life. Unfortunately, that's not true for everyone. There are many who have cut all contact with their family members. While I regret saying this, it's good to live in a developed country where interpersonal problems are usually first-world.
It ain't as bad as you think.
I've personally seen some relations cut off from hurt feelings or financial issues for example. Nothing you can't talk about. Even I have piles of things to be bitter about to variety of people but in a long run, is it really worth it? I'm not above anyone else, there might be wrongdoings done by me that I'm not even aware of. That is exactly why communication is so important. With no higher danger amongst us in the developed world, like war or corruption, most of the problems are psychological.
I feel ashamed of my attitude towards mother. It was devastating news to hear that her youngest child is finally leaving the nest. Ever since, she'd been trying her best to get me everything I'd possibly need in a new home and much more. Me being the anti-materialistic jerk in contrary to mother, I've had to rudely decline her offers quite a few times. After all, I'm not even moving on my own just yet and don't know for sure when. She justifies this type of worry as being a mother, the position I'll never be able to achieve.
I'm sure you've heard the "When I was your age.." preach, right? Well, when she was my age, my parents had very little to get by, things like kitchenware, food and money. She keeps telling me I don't know what it's like to look after yourself and keeping your bills due. While that may be true, there's one huge difference in between our generations and environment of growth, and it's internet.
Back then, obtaining information wasn't as self-explanatory as it is today. I personally use Google search engine as my notepad. If I ever need clarification to any accessible information, I Google it up. So in this case, assuming that I wouldn't know how to budget and pay my bills, I look for counseling from someone who has a tad more experience with it or just Google it up. If you live in this millenium and not the previous one, you might just figure it out yourself, like I did.
Should you fear death?
So while I understand her worry, I find it offensive she has no faith in me looking after myself. All this concern has gotten me is a new motto,
If I die doing this, then good riddance.
If you've followed this blog at all, you might know I'm generally a pretty carefree lad in terms of risktaking. If not, it's time I made it clear.
You know how the smallest things can linger in your mind for years, if not for decades. Well, this is not exactly related, but true from what I heard from this previous date of mine saying. When we were just at the early stages of getting to know each other, to where it ended unfortunately, she mentioned something that would stick to the deep corner of my mind.
"I don't know if I want to grow old and live long. I live my life to the fullest and honestly wouldn't care if I died today or tomorrow. No regrets."
Just wow, my perception of this girl changed immediately. Not to say I saw her in a bad light after that statement, but kind of admired her view of life. I experienced a wide variety of mixed feelings towards her, but was starving to learn more of her philosophical point of views nevertheless. Later we discovered some major differences in our interests, which made us question the propability of us starting dating. We know how it turned out ultimately.
Last time, I wrote about the risks of trusting a stranger in cases like hosting a couchsurfer or hitching a ride. When you've got a smart head on your shoulders and whim to take a specified sort of action whenever necessary, the risks that might become intimidating are only obstacles to overcome.
I can feel the voice of my concerned brother saying, "You shouldn't underestimate the danger that might ruin your life, it's no game at that point. I'm only saying this to let you know that you're most definitely not the only one suffering in case you die or let's say, get incapacitated." I'm still confused about the literary correctness of creating a quote in your writings. Don't judge me, it's a process of learning.
Back to point, I totally understand there would be a great loss for a number of people if I died. If anyone died. Then again, rises the question whether you should limit yourself based on the risks. If you are not afraid of taking risks and are prepared to face whatever consequence there may lie ahead but hesitate doing so because of the people around you, are you living you life for yourself or for them? I know it's a sensitive topic to bring up but this here, is a moral dilemma at it's finest.
Let's talk euthanasia.
I personally don't find suicides or euthanasia a subject to forbid. Euthanasia the most. In fact, I address suicides as 'self-operated euthanasia'. There are so many elderly people around the world who have lost their will to live and only do so because no one is allowing them to leave. That is wrong. Like, disgustingly wrong! (That may very well be the first ever exclamation mark I've used in this blog)
I mean, imagine yourself living in a facility for countless of years against your will. In most cases, you'd become one with your bed at some point and wouldn't be able to use the bathroom without nurses helping you along the way. I don't know about you, but life is about quality. This "bright" future doesn't sound like one. Because of the view I've chosen to live by, life has become a choice in my book. If you don't feel like life is for you and need to get out, like seriously need to quit, it's up to you.
I've opened up about this to few relatives, a conversation about our great-grandmother. I remember her as a kind elderly woman with always something sweet to serve everytime we visited her; the usual stuff. It's been three years since her death, but the grandma I knew died long before that. As depressing as it sounds, when you begin to lose your memory and the ability to move by yourself, you also lose who you are.
The last three to four years of her life, she'd always have to ask who we were, sometimes multiple times during a single visit. The more distant relative, the less chance of her recognizing them. During her last year we'd always gather around her bed and try to teach her the same things over again like who we were and some basic news about the people dear to her. I can't help but feel really uncomfortable everytime.
When the day finally came when I'd hear the news about her passing, I felt a major relief. Not for me, but for her. Government today wants to keep people alive for the longest time possible, commonly against the patients will. I haven't got any official record of the statistics, but I'm sure most of the bed-bound patients just want to have a natural exit.
After all, death is something that awaits all of us. Why delay it if your story is finished and you're satisfied with all you've experienced. Just have some mercy and let euthanasia be legalized globally is my humble wish.
Just a fun fact, now that we're talking about this grim topic. Whenever it is that I die, my desire is to be cremated. Cemeteries cover too much of Earth's usable area. Roughly said, it's a waste of space. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter whether I'm buried, cremated or fed to the pigs, but a man's gotta have his one last wish before leaving.
Don't worry, be happy.
My lesson for you today is to stop worrying so much. Whatever it is you're anxious about, it's gonna settle one way or another. In my case, I'm trying to tell my dear mother to stop worrying so gravely about me. If I'm seriously going to die while taking a walk at night in my hometown, it was meant to be. Destiny, I say.
When you get repeatedly exposed to a certain lecture, it's going to lose it's strength sooner or later. That's the kind of thought process I have with my temper. I used to be a short-tempered fellow in the past but ever since I matured enough to calm down, I'm taken more seriously. When you see the calm guy get worked up and angry, you know it's serious business. Just a little observation throughout the years to mingle in your mind.
This post was partly recovered from my junkyard of draft-texts. With some parts added and polished, we got ourselves another fresh update. Importance of family being today's subject, let a relative close to you know how much they mean to you. Even the littlest of things can save someone's day. If someone just came up to me and told me how they appreciated my existence, that'd make my fucking year!
Try to have some sleep, you've been writing these posts for the past three nights. It's not healthy for your sleep cycle. Alright, fine. Such is the art of having a monologue.
Thanks for reading, leave me feedback or tell some of your own stories at firstname.lastname@example.org. I'll be sure as hell to read whatever comes up and respond if you need counseling or just someone to talk to. Love ya!
November 28th, 2017